Fic: All You Want

She bit her nails nervously as she stood by the hotel window. The city lights were blinding and yet she couldn’t help but feel like she was being watched. It was paranoia creeping over her. She quickly shut the curtains and walked over to her bed, falling on it and stared blankly at TV that was across the room. There were no images on the screen, but in her head she was watching her own movie. 

What she was watching in her mind were the consequences of what would come after tonight. A dramatic piece of lies and betrayal. She hadn’t even done anything… yet. She was already feeling guilty, extremely guilty. This is ludicrous and really, really stupid, she told herself. 

She shut her eyes tightly trying to erase the inevitable future from her mind and not only kept trying to tell herself that is was stupid of her to even want this, she had a good chunk of her conscious that kept telling her that it was right even when she knew it was wrong. 

Even he didn’t know what she was planning to do, but she knew he wouldn’t stop her. Part of her hoped he would stop her to make her snap out of the trance she was in, but another part of her hoped he would shut up and just go with it. 

Things would have been so different if she had never met him, but there was that instant attraction. She hid it, she hid those feelings for the longest time, but each day… every meeting… it was harder on her. Tonight though it was all going to change, she could feel it. 

There was a quiet knock on the door and her eyes snapped wide open. She laid there for a moment, trying to make her body to get up. It seemed like a struggle. But she slowly pushed herself up and off the bed and slowly walked towards the door to open it. Her hand quivered slightly as she reached for the handle. She gripped it tightly and took a deep breath before turning the handle and pulling the door open. 

Her eyes found his and she found his eyes mimicking her nervousness. There was huge lump in her throat and she chewed her lower lip. 

He ran a hand through his tousled hair and let his eyes fall to the floor. His mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. She kept her eyes on him until her hand grabbed his and he pulled him inside the room. He didn’t even hesitate. Not good, she thought. He should have stopped right there; tried pulling away from her. 

Once he was in the room she shut the door and leaned against for a moment trying to catch her breath because she didn’t realize how fast her heart was racing and her breath quickening. She didn’t even try looking up at him, but it was hard not to when she felt his hand against her skin, his fingers wrapping around her elbow. His touch was soft but his skin against her felt like a shock. Her arm reacted by pulling away slightly, but he didn’t let go. 

Her eyes found his again and that nervousness she had seen in those eyes was replaced with concern. He was worried about her because he had never seen her this way. She was even worried because she had never felt this way before. She had never wanted something – someone – so badly. 

At this point her eyes were lingering around his face. His hair was messy, his eyes although filled with concern were bright, his lips were slightly parted and along that chiseled jaw of his she could see his scuff. The way he was looking was only fueling her lust for him. 

His hand drops away from her before running it through his hair, making his hair stick up at another angle. 

“I shouldn’t be here.” His voice showed a hint of hesitation as if he was forcing those words out. 

“I know,” She couldn’t agree with him more. “But you are here and you’re not trying to leave.” She states the obvious. 

His lips crack into a slight grin, “I said I shouldn’t be here because the right thing to do would be to leave, but I want to be here.” He admits. She can sense he wanted to add more to his sentence like maybe ‘I want to be here and break all the rules’. 

Then he takes the first brave steps towards her, getting closer until their bodies are almost touching. “And you want me here.” He whispers. Definitely not good, she thinks to herself. His scent, mixtures of whatever cologne or body spray along with the slight smell of cigarettes, washes over her and she could feel her knees weakening. The effect he had on her was unjustified. 

She stands there, not objecting to what he said as his hands find a spot on her hips. He grabs them carefully and brings himself closer to her. This was it. 

It was wrong, she knew it and he knew it, but they couldn’t deny what they had. She was risking everything tonight. 

It would be worth it. 

But all of that, all the nervousness and the reminder of how erroneous this is literally disappeared when she felt his lips against hers. She forgot why she had to stop this. She didn’t want to stop this. It was too late. 

Their lips move slowly at first, but then it deepens. Their tongues dance and his grip over her hips tighten, pulling her even closer. She wraps her arms around his neck and before she knows it she’s up against the wall. His hands are still holding her hips as he lifts her up to reach his height and fits in between her legs, letting them wrap around his waist. 

It’s no longer gentle or careful. This isn’t how they would touch and hold each other on set and they had tried their best to maintain distances while out in public. But no one was around now, nothing to stop them. 

Her arms tighten around his neck, their breathing heavy and both of them lost in each others embrace. She feels his lips smile against hers and he pulls away slightly. She stares at him looking slightly irritated and frustrated at him because he broke the kiss. 

His lips curl into that perfect smile of his, the smile that makes her smile as well. She lets one of her hands run through his hair, messing it up even more. The messier the sexier, she thought. He keeps his face close to her, letting his eyes gaze around her face as if he was capturing her every expression. She leans in closer to him pressing the side of her face against his slightly scruffy cheek. 

With her securely up against the wall his hands freely roam around a little. One hand stayed on her hip while the other traveled up her shirt, his fingers lightly tracing over her stomach. She sighs against his ear; this touch is new to her. Her sigh makes him shudder slightly; it’s a sound that’s new to him. They were both the type to not really be touchy. Even with family, friends and fans they were always reserved, but with each other… they were too comfortable. 

She pulls back a little, letting her chin softly run along his jaw and up to his chin. The scuff lightly scratches her but it’s a pleasurable, ticklish feeling. She enjoys that for a moment before she finds his lips again. 

He pulls her away from the wall and takes a few steps back with her in his arms. Somehow he manages to find the bed without tripping and the next thing they knew they were both on top of it. But he pulled away and chuckled. She looked at him oddly. 

“What’s so funny?” she asked. He scanned her and scanned the bed. 

“Old memories?” he hinted. She rolled her eyes. 

“Oh, shut up.” She laughed a little as she pulled him back for a kiss. She couldn’t help but think about their little meeting at Catherine’s house. Meeting wasn’t the right description; it was a pure make out session. She remembers that day; she remembers how in character she was and how he was also so in character, but it was interesting and fun. That was the beginning of an amazing friendship that was now turning into a zealous affair. 

She snapped out of it when she felt lips against the side of her neck and felt a hand roam her back, toying with her bra strap. His breath against her skin is intoxicating. Her head is slightly whirling and her body is aching in anticipation. Never has she felt like this before, she hadn’t even felt this way with… with… oh she couldn’t even think of his name. It felt too wrong to think of his name at this moment. 

In a matter of moments, out of impatience, their clothes were stripped off their bodies and they both slid under the covers. They were both laughing because they were both a little clumsy. She stubbed her toe on edge of the bed and he hit his head on the headboard, all because they were in a hurry. 

But once they were under the covers and in each others arms, the laughter died and they both stared at each other for the longest moment. It suddenly hit them, this was all so surreal. 

She could see he wanted this and she did too, but he was now hesitating. He looked unsure, but she was already in too deep. 

“Don’t even think about turning your back on this.” She let out shaking her head at him and giving him a scowl. 

“You think I want to?” he grinned. 

“You look unsure.” She let out nervously. 

“I’m unsure about a lot of things,” he said before he leaned into her neck. “But I’m sure about one thing and that’s wanting you.” His lips grazed over her skin. She shut her eyes and grinned. It’s exactly what she wanted to hear. 

The night was filled with ecstasy. They had both forgotten that they had to get up early in the morning to do promoting. But they didn’t care. They didn’t want this to end. 

She let out a loud moan that sounded like a cry, but it was muffled because cried out into his neck. Thank god for that. She trembled underneath him and then he let out a loud groan against her shoulder before he collapsed on her. They both tried to control their erratic breathing as their faces faced each other. Their eyes were still burning with lust. 

He ran a hand through his damp hair and gave a smug smile. “We could go for another round?” 

“Are you kidding me? My head is going to explode and,” She turned to look at the time. “We both have only five hours to get some sleep.” She added as she tried squirming her way from under him, but he had the full advantage. His grin only got wider and pressed himself into her a bit more making her moan. That was all that he needed to do to make her want to stay. 

She moved, giving him the sign to flip over and he did. She straddled him and frowned at him. 

“You better hope I get a lot of coffee into my system later on or I’m going to be a fucking grouch the entire day.” She warned. 

“Aren’t you always grouchy?” he joked. 

She punched him in the shoulder, but playfully of course. “Keep that up and I will make you leave. I really will.” 

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try that.” He smiled and got a bit more comfortable as if he wasn’t going to budge. She winced at him. “Alright I’m done and don’t worry you’ll get your coffee later on… to keep the battery energized for more rounds.” He had a wicked glint in his eyes. She shook her head at him and she couldn’t hold back a laugh. 

But when their eyes met again it wasn’t funny anymore. Reality came back. They had been so wrapped up in their little world that everything and everyone else didn’t matter for those few hours they were together. They were escaping everything. 

She started to feel the guilt flow through her and felt like the most horrible person in the world, but he sat up and wrapped an arm around her, bring her body close to his chest. In his eyes she could see a little bit of guilt as well, but he wasn’t letting it get to him. 

“Don’t think about it. Not right now.” He whispered as he kissed along her jawline. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath, losing herself again. “I’m all you want right now.” His voice was seducing her. But it was true, so true. She was being selfish and she was hurting people by doing this, but he was all she wanted. She had wanted him for so long and now he was here. He was all hers. 

“I hate it when you’re right.” She murmured as she pushed him back onto the bed and kissed him fiercely.